Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
