You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
