I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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