can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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