We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I deserve this hangover.
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