he puts the penis in happiness.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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