did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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