so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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