Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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