He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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