Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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