I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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