while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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