I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
