Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
