I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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