if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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