I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
