just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
