when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
