Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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