Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
