im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My vagina just clenched in fear
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
