Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
