Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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