lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
