You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
