What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
