just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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