can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
