I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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