I have demons in me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
