what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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