i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
