so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
