You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
