he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I believe in your delicious
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
