oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
