My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
