how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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