so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
