dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
