Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
