OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
