I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
