Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
