I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a hot homeless man
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
