She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
