I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
