Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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