And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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