I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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