Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
