I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
